Men…is your marriage good if you’re cheating?

One of my biggest pet peeves is men not being truthful about whether or not they’re satisfied in their romantic relationships. Infidelity has become the norm. To the point that men will say their relationship or marriage is good, even though they are currently having multiple affairs with other women. This is not a matter of judgement. This is simply a matter of speaking and living the truth. Many men are not capable of being loyal to one partner. I don’t understand why people won’t just live the life they want to live. This may possibly mean not getting married, or at least being in a relationship that allows for partners to be intimate with people outside of their primary relationship. For some, this idea is damn near blasphemous. Yet, we all seem to be okay with breaking vows, living double lives, and being deceitful toward partners. We seem to expect this level of disloyalty, especially from men. Women must always maintain this image of belongingness.

What’s really going on? Why do men get married? Many say because at some point a man must settle down, have a family, and a woman who will take care of him. This ideal seems very man-centered. I rarely hear men speak of their significant others as someone they really like and enjoy being with. Not necessarily love, but simply like. There’s a difference. Even you may have family members or friends you “love”, but you all don’t spend much time together because you don’t “like” them.

Many men marry women they feel will fit the gender role. This expectation is problematic because it denies a woman’s individuality; she is dehumanized and desexualized.  Maybe this is why men cheat. Men are sexually driven by women.  Men are not sexually driven by wives. Think about it. #heterosexualisms

~Noni Ayana

For one to one consultations with Noni Ayana visit www.erisllc.org 

WHY SHOULD I GET MARRIED?

INSIDE w/Noni Ayana on ORANGE ROOM RADIO

‘WHY SHOULD I GET MARRIED?’

Discussing advantages, disadvantages, and of course expectations.

Comparing living together versus marriage.

CLICK and LISTEN TO NONI AYANA NOW!!!!

**May be considered explicit. Adult content for mature audiences only** 

 

Single While Married

10PM Sunday, December 14, 2014 on INSIDE w/Noni Ayana *Live Stream Internet Radio* on Orange Room Radio

http://www.live365.com/stations/bealstreet

‘Single While Married’

****A GREAT SHOW FOR SINGLES AND COUPLES****

MISS THE SHOW? Click PLAY to listen NOW! 

Discussing single-hood, marriage, monogamy, why people get married when there is no genuine desire for marriage, infidelity, who benefits from marriage, spousal neglect, and the group responsible for the abolition of marriage.

The Privilege of Waiting

Social expectations can be difficult to meet, so people push themselves to meet the status quo. We have deadlines; to complete a college degree, choose a career path, to get married, purchase a home, have children, and so on, and many times in that order. Yet, during your busy scripted life schedule at what point are you truly living for self. I think we underestimate the value, the benefit, the freedom of self exploration, and many never experience true autonomy.

How can you experience being in love with someone, when you’ve never experienced being in love with yourself? There are benefits to moving at your own pace. You get to watch and learn. You have the advantage of seeing and sometimes vicariously experiencing the mistakes and challenges of others. Your observation is a time for learning about life, people, and yourself. Here’s your chance to understand who you are as a person and your place in the world, and how you could contribute to spaces outside of your own.

Within the failed relationships I have witnessed, I noticed the recurring theme is denial. Many of those couples should have never chosen marriage, but they did so from pressure from their families, or because assuming the partner would change once married, or became a parent, etc. You don’t go into marriage wishing or hoping for better. You don’t choose marriage because your family or friends has chosen it for you. These are recipes for unhappiness. Why not just wait? Why did you stay in the relationship when you knew it wasn’t what you truly wanted? Oh yeah, “we’ve been together for so long we should just go ahead and get married”, “I’m getting older and I want children”, or “all of my friends are either engaged or getting married”.

There’s nothing wrong with simply taking your time, because marriage is supposed to be forever, right? What if you don’t want to get married? That’s okay too. It’s your life, your decision. I understand how your choice may be a problem for some people, but it’s their problem not yours.

Trust me when I tell you, being comfortable in whom you are, forgiving yourself, challenging yourself to grow, and continuous self-awareness will place you in a position of readiness. You will know when you’re ready, and when you are you can and will experience love like you never have before, for yourself and for the person the universe has designed specifically for you.

-Noni Ayana

From Sexting to Sex for Couples

Many of us have taken full advantage of advances in technology, and even applied technology to our sex lives. There’s no longer your average phone sex convo, or favorite porn on VHS. Sexuality is now expressed via Skype, face-time, or in chat rooms, 3D virtual sex, internet pornography, online sex games, etc. However, the most basic of all methods of technology used would be via texting. If you’ve used my internet radio show to get the balls rolling (pun intended), well good for you. Plug: 10pm EST Sundays lol. No, seriously.

I find it interesting that many women find sexting to be a challenge. Not to say that men don’t find sexting a challenge, but some women don’t care for the sense of vulnerability when leaving a dirty message of any kind. Some women could care less and find it a necessity to keep the relationship spicy. Of course most of us know how to send text messages. Some people just don’t know what to say to have the person on the other end bursting with sexual excitement, literally!

So here are a few tips that should help in getting his dick rock hard or her pussy dripping wet. If you’ve been paying attention, you should be aware of what your partner likes. Sexting gives your partner something to daydream about. It’s a wonderful distraction, and can serve as foreplay, for when the both of you finally see each other; the prelude to steamy hot spontaneous sex. Oh the memories…

You can start getting right to the point, and be random with your text without any prior conversation:

As soon as you come home, find me, bend me over, and fuck me really hard till you buss all over my ass.

Or you can start a light tit for tat into a sexy build up:

Her: Hey baby, I wanna taste it
Him: You wanna taste what?
Her: I wanna taste your cum
Him: Oh yeah?
Her: I like how it feels when u cum inside my mouth. I wanna swallow every drop. U think we can make that happen?
Him: Fuck yeah! Where u?

Not only can sexting be used as foreplay but it can also be used as positive reinforcement. Reminding your partner of what you love and enjoy about their sex. This encourages the likelihood of more enjoyable sex. Sexting is fun, spontaneous, maybe even kinky, and for some risky; nothing more awkward than your child, a family member, close friend, or co-worker seeing your nasty text flash on the screen of your smart phone. I would suggest changing your setting so messages can’t be seen, only the indicator showing you have a message. Be careful sending; don’t want to send to the wrong person. Most important, I do not condone sexting to people in relationships that don’t include YOU. Get it? Unless it’s a threesome and you’re getting things started for a long yet fulfilling evening.

Click here to read a cool article on how to practice safe sexting

PSA: No sexting to or from people the law considers under age.

-Noni Ayana

What You Really Should Be Looking For In A Man

Designer fashion attire, a luxury car, paying a mortgage on a house (you’re not a homeowner until its paid for), and a high paying salary does not automatically qualify him as a “good man”.

If you are seeking a real romantic relationship or marriage, maybe it’s time to start looking inward instead of outward. Maybe what you seek in him, you should seek in self. Notice how the characteristics listed may be personal issues you have struggled with; when looking for the “perfect” mate.

Observant – He notices the big and small things. He pays attention to detail. Do you pay attention to detail when dating?

Consideration – Is he considerate of your time, your circumstances? Are you considerate of others?

Non-judgmental – Is he quick to make an opinion of you? Do you judge others not fully knowing a persons story?

Constructive Criticism – He see’s where you may need improvement. He is not condescending, but genuinely wants to see you succeed. He is not bossy, he only offers insight, expecting you to make an educated decision.

Temperament – He is not quick to anger. He is an effective communicator. He chooses his battles. He is growing to understand what is and what is not worth fighting for.

Supportive- He is encouraging and eagerly wants to help you in your journey.

Listens – He doesn’t listen to respond, he listens to understand. Do you listen to understand?

Humorous – Does he know how to make you laugh? Can you laugh at yourself?

Goal Oriented – Does he set out to accomplish personal and professional goals or does he procrastinate? What about you?

Intimacy -He understands and appreciates the importance of both physical and nonphysical intimacy.

Sharing – Does he share both life achievements and failures?

Vulnerability – A good man will not expose, exploit, nor trivialize your vulnerability. Is he capable of showing you his vulnerability or is he often presenting an image of strength to not seem weak. Do you allow yourself to be vulnerable when with him?

Accountability – He can admit when he’s wrong. He takes responsibility for his actions, and is unafraid of self-improvement.

Adoration – He does not compare you to past partners. You are not viewed as a threat. He understands you are in a league of your own. He adores you. He respects you. He puts aside time to spend with you.

Positive Self Image – He is confident, he loves himself. There is no need to tear you down to build himself up.

Discipline – He knows how to say no. He knows when to say yes.

Boundaries – He will not impose himself into your space. He respects your boundaries, and if he’s a good man will wonder why you don’t have any (if you don’t). He will treat you accordingly.

Stimulation – He has stimulating conversation. He has no problem admitting ignorance to certain subjects, but is willing to learn.

Honest- He respects you too much to lie to you. He is not brutally honest; he is realistic, yet protective. He is attentive and compassionate when sharing his truth.

_MG_8638___-4The right man does not cause you anxiety or distress. You have more positive things to say about him then negative. You are not ashamed of him. The “right man” for you will not tolerate you compromising who you are or your beliefs, for him. If you choose the perfect man for you, you won’t feel the need to do so. When you strip away all the superficial things that make the man we see on the outside, what you have left is his core being. The person established from youth. Those core characteristics that define who you are as an adult and will likely stay with you for the rest of your life. This is the man you should be looking at, because the inside determines the outside. FYI, those same characteristics also transition into his sexuality.

-Noni Ayana

MIND over sexual MATTER

There are a number of reasons women experience low sexual desire or difficulty experiencing orgasms. Although men share some of the same challenges, I find this sexual issue to be far more pressing among women, especially married women, or women cohabitating with their long-term partners. I can understand; I think women are the most distracted. Here’s a list of things women are thinking about throughout the day, including during sex:

  • Work (promotions, workload, dealing with a jerk boss, sexual harassment)
  • Children (homework, daycare, after-school activities)
  • Body Image (stretch marks, stomach, and unwanted fat)
  • Hair (style, cut, will it hold, the likelihood of the wind or rain shifting it out-of-place)
  • Household Chores (laundry, cooking, cleaning)
  • Bills (there’s never enough money, paying on time)

Ladies, when it’s time to have sex those things must travel back to the archives of your mind. Just like in your email, you put the old but still relevant email in archives to make room for new email. Same method applies.

Some women have deeper issues such as family upbringing and the families approach to sexuality, negative perceptions of sexuality, or a past or current sexual traumatic event. These are psychological distractions that may require counseling or therapy. Women experiencing the earlier mentioned distractions, here are some things for you to think about:

  • Understand some matters are out of your control.
  • Often times, quality time with your partner is more important. A great sexual relationship is a good sign of a healthy overall partnership.
  • If you’re not satisfied with your body, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! Otherwise, shut the hell up and enjoy some great sex.
  • You will not die if those chores are not done. However, your relationship may die if somebody does not get done. Get it?
  • Bills aren’t going anywhere, but your partner may.
  • Set aside a “play date” for the kids to go to their favorite, babysitter, aunt or grandparent. So they can play (away), and the two of you can go on a date.
  • Some arguments are just not worth it.
  • No withholding! Do not use your sexuality as a tool to make a point. Your sex is not some sort of treat for good behavior. Discuss your disagreement, and use sex as a way to make up, to reaffirm your appreciation for each other.

That is all.

-Noni Ayana

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