The Courage To Purge

I recently acknowledged and embraced the fact that I had almost put myself in a similar situation I was in almost 20 years ago. Yet, because I had learned a few life lessons along the way, I had the courage to purge. At first I felt shame for allowing this to happen in the first place. I had briefly doubted my ability to make decisions. I felt foolish, and asked myself how could I have been so naïve.

I wasn’t. I had been shown signs along the way. I was in complete denial. I had ignored my intuition, and wallowed comfortably in a false sense of contentment. My courage to purge brought me back to reality.

I broke down. I was in a severe state of sadness. I withdrew from the world, and went into hiding. I felt physical and emotional pain. I was lost.

However, the lesson continued to teach me. I had to keep remembering why I purged. Why did I let go of this toxin? Because the universe knew this toxin would eventually destroy me, and I’ve come too far. There is a plan for me.

For the last 6 months I had been in heavy meditation. I had been speaking my desires, dreams, and vision into existence. I questioned why. Why haven’t I experienced progress? Am I not being heard? Do I not deserve what I ask for? And then the message came to me. That I would have to let something go, in order to gain what I had been asking for. I cannot be enthralled in toxic servitude, and be blessed.

This message was difficult to see, because what first appeared to be veiled in beauty, was internally repulsive. Thus my inability to discern this toxic spirit.

I succumbed to my intuition. Acknowledging the truth, set me free. I am in a space of healing, and awaiting my blessings.

~Noni Ayana

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