Why I Don’t Want A Ring
I’m sure you can imagine how my reasons for not wanting a wedding ring or an engagement ring definitely inspires some interesting conversations. The looks I get when the words come out of my mouth tell it all. Whoever heard of a woman not wanting a ring; yep, that’s me. Don’t get me wrong I love beautiful jewelry, as many women do. I wear a diamond stud nose ring for goodness sake! (sarcasm) I simply have no desire to wear or be presented with a wedding ring. No shade against women that do. Hell, I’m still contemplating the idea of being someones spouse. Yeah, marriage was never really at the top of my list either. Which may be why I feel the way I do about wedding rings.
Them: Why don’t you want a wedding ring?
Me: I really don’t care for hand jewelry. It’s cool if worn temporarily with an outfit or for fashion purposes. Wedding rings are to be worn permanently right?
Them: You can just take it off when you get home.
Me: Why go through all that when I can just not have a ring?
Them: You can wear the ring on a necklace.
Them: So what do you want?
Me: (I’m trying to figure out what this question even means. Like, do I must have some material thing to represent my marriage?) I don’t have to be given anything.
Them: How will people know you’re married?
Me: I can just tell them or they can just ask. It’s not like a wedding ring has stopped anyone from doing something they weren’t supposed to do.
Them: But diamonds are a girls best friend.
Me: No, not really.
Them: You’ll change your mind when you get close to wanting to marry someone or when he pops the question.
Me: If he knows me well enough, he will understand and respect my choice.
Unfortunately, I also have to consider the prospective spouse. The way society is set up I hate that I have to even consider how my not wanting a ring will affect him, his manhood, his masculine status, his social image. Often times the prospective groom’s value is judged upon the style, (diamond) size, and perceived worth of the wedding ring. I don’t like the idea of people using the worth of a wedding ring as a way to measure the significance of my relationship. Some would say, I don’t care what people think; yes you do. If not, the wedding ring wouldn’t have such a high social value.
Although I don’t want a ring, I still want the proposal of marriage to be special. Can this be done without a ring? Isn’t the ring the grand finale? The moment is what you make it. I’m more concerned about how we ceremoniously constitute our partnership and the ceremony be performed in a space of adoration, balance, and sacredness. To me, the wedding ring is a big pretty shiny expensive distraction. Instead, I’d rather he distract me with his unyielding love.
“We marvel at high value until we have to pay the cost.” ~Noni Ayana