I usually don’t get personal in my posts, but what the hell, I feel like sharing today lol. Don’t get comfortable with it. Yesterday I had a totally awesome conversation with a young lady who showed intrigued interest in the sexology profession. However, her questions had more to do with why I decided to become a sexologist. How does my choice of career affect me as a daughter, as a mother, and my overall place in society? I have to admit I totally love talking about myself, so I was more than happy to engage her series of questions. My personal life is quite the story and I won’t tell too much. You’ll just have to wait for the book!
Her questions caused me to think about my choices. I chose sexuality education to be my life journey, my legacy. When I look back into past relationships and life decisions, I realize I have been an observer and admirer of sexuality for many years, even dating back to early childhood. One of the most profound moments of my life was when I decided to become an exotic dancer. I was in my early twenties and very open to infinite possibilities. I am often asked what I enjoyed most about being a stripper besides of course, the fast (tax-free) money. I’d have to say I loved the sense of freedom. What I mean by that is we live in a world that during adulthood there are many expectations. Most of us forget how to enjoy life and we become workers, spouses, parents, etc., and there is never any freedom of self-expression. We tend to behave in a way we feel is most appropriate or in line with our roles within society. We are no longer free in our thinking; we box ourselves in and become robotic. We care more about what people think of us than what we think of ourselves.
When I walked into the club for work I was free to be whoever I wanted to be. This was no corporate America, religious entity, or highly structured institution. There were no strict guidelines limiting my every move and there was little room for judgment. Plus, dancing didn’t feel like a “job” and expectations were set by me. I had the opportunity to explore and express creativity in ways some people may never experience in mainstream society. I think that’s what’s missing in sexuality and in many people’s lives. The freedom and the feeling of expressing creativity, imagination, knowing what you want out of life and not being afraid to discover new things, different things.
If you didn’t have to consider how the public or your family and friends would view you, if you would have chosen to not live by rules of appropriateness, convenience, social acceptance, or economic status, what would your life be like today? Would you be married to the same person? Would you have kids now? Would you have chosen a different career? Would you travel more or spend more time with your family? The stripper in me will always remind me to be open to infinite possibilities, because I’d rather belong to myself first, before belonging to anything or anyone else. Think about it.