The Privilege of Waiting

Social expectations can be difficult to meet, so people push themselves to meet the status quo. We have deadlines; to complete a college degree, choose a career path, to get married, purchase a home, have children, and so on, and many times in that order. Yet, during your busy scripted life schedule at what point are you truly living for self. I think we underestimate the value, the benefit, the freedom of self exploration, and many never experience true autonomy.

How can you experience being in love with someone, when you’ve never experienced being in love with yourself? There are benefits to moving at your own pace. You get to watch and learn. You have the advantage of seeing and sometimes vicariously experiencing the mistakes and challenges of others. Your observation is a time for learning about life, people, and yourself. Here’s your chance to understand who you are as a person and your place in the world, and how you could contribute to spaces outside of your own.

Within the failed relationships I have witnessed, I noticed the recurring theme is denial. Many of those couples should have never chosen marriage, but they did so from pressure from their families, or because assuming the partner would change once married, or became a parent, etc. You don’t go into marriage wishing or hoping for better. You don’t choose marriage because your family or friends has chosen it for you. These are recipes for unhappiness. Why not just wait? Why did you stay in the relationship when you knew it wasn’t what you truly wanted? Oh yeah, “we’ve been together for so long we should just go ahead and get married”, “I’m getting older and I want children”, or “all of my friends are either engaged or getting married”.

There’s nothing wrong with simply taking your time, because marriage is supposed to be forever, right? What if you don’t want to get married? That’s okay too. It’s your life, your decision. I understand how your choice may be a problem for some people, but it’s their problem not yours.

Trust me when I tell you, being comfortable in whom you are, forgiving yourself, challenging yourself to grow, and continuous self-awareness will place you in a position of readiness. You will know when you’re ready, and when you are you can and will experience love like you never have before, for yourself and for the person the universe has designed specifically for you.

-Noni Ayana

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