2 Men & 1 Woman: Threesome or Train?

threesome1Oh, excuse me. I’ve been told the official label is “ménage a trios” which of course, I knew. No one calls it that anymore. The term is just too fancy, lol. For some reason when you say the word ‘threesome’ you automatically think 3 people having sex together. Not three people eating dinner, not three people watching TV, not three people playing a board game, or maybe that’s just me. Threesome is defined as, three of something.

On my radio show one of my guests described 2 women and 1 man as a threesome, but 2 men and 1 woman as a “train”. I was amazed to see how divided my listener’s reaction and responses were. My thoughts, the term “train” definitely has a negative connotation. Two men and one woman, allow the woman to be the center of this sexual experience. Traditional gender roles continue to limit female sexuality and does not approve of women indulging or expressing sexuality in such a way. Traditional gender roles in its own way attempts to control or limit female sexuality, and any behavior contrary to these well established rules of human survival would be deemed inappropriate.

The Urban Dictionary defines a train as a group of guys stand in a line outside a room. One by one, they enter the room to have sex with one girl inside. The line must have at least 7 guys to be qualified as a train.

“What’s this line for?”
“We’re running a train! Go to the back of the line.”

Who the hell came up with this definition lol!!!!

Two women and one man imply this particular experience is for the man to indulge, which is socially acceptable, even if the two women become intimate. I also find that men whom use the term “train” tend to view women in the more traditional gender role. These same men tend to be most likely to take part in a so-called “train”, and will quickly label a woman as a slut, whore, or skank, for allowing him to do so.

Any sexual behavior exhibited by a female that is seen to possibly threaten masculinity, his masculin image, or threaten a male’s chance of successful reproduction and lineage is rejected. Many women whom often fantasize of sex with two men are not willing to expose this fantasy to their partner for fear of judgment. Some men may feel threatened by this fantasy, fearing he may not be enough, the other man’s sexual ability may sway his female partner, or he may be homophobic, fearing the other man may attempt to become intimate with him.

From my personal experience, I find that heterosexual men whose masculinity is not easily (socially) threatened tend to be more open with their female partners, and in cad922038872d61b85c9d22c7e326744turn their female partners experience less judgment and tend to expose themselves more. In addition, these types of men are more likely to agree to a threesome with another man. However, these types of men seem to have peculiar challenges when in relationships. Some women simply can’t handle men with a heightened level of self-awareness; which interestingly are men whom tend to be less traditional and more adventurous. Tradition is predictable; nonconforming can be confusing, irritating, and even hated if not understood.

There is a difference between a woman who uses her sexuality to cope with internal suffering, to seek attention, or uses her sexuality simply because (she feels) she lacks value in any other aspect of her being; and an emotionally healthy and socially responsible woman whose sexuality is not necessarily a tool but a way of self-expression. She realizes who she is and is unapologetic. Both types of women are worthy of respect, but only one type demands it.

Different strokes, for different folks, literally.

-Noni Ayana

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2 thoughts

  1. I know late I just wanted to comment on the subject. Yes it is wrong and sexists to deem the woman a hoe to enjoy two men. That’s wrong however that’s something that has probably seen that way since the dawn of time. I believe it’s because of male dominance that has ruled existence. Is it right? Again no. I will like to give my view on threesome and train. Train was once said to be multiple men say 7 men all in a line waiting to do a lady. A threesome was usually described to be a male have sex with two women that didn’t mind kissing touching and doing things with each other sexually. Now the train in my book is when a girl has sex with more than 1 guy at the same time, to call it a threesome would mean the two men that are engaging in sex with the women are also engaging with each other. Now that’s a THREESOME . Anytime a girl is getting all the enjoyment of receiving all physical sex that’s sooo a train. I’m sorry but it is. I wish you all the best

  2. Totally understand that. Since I’ve been living in this new state (CO), I find that brothas are waaaaaay intimidated by me and sexuality.

    I am openly and proudly genderfluid/queer two-spirited. When it comes to sex and sexuality I know who I am and what I want.

    They seem to be interested at the beginning then when it come time to do I’m all of a sudden brand new.

    Yet I have always heard/felt the term “train” or “run a train” as negative and always against the will of the female. Though I know different do to porn. But you’re right, different strokes. I just think ppl (especially females) should honor and be proud (as well as safe) about their sexuality and/or kinkyness.

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