What You Really Should Be Looking For In A Man

Designer fashion attire, a luxury car, paying a mortgage on a house (you’re not a homeowner until its paid for), and a high paying salary does not automatically qualify him as a “good man”.

If you are seeking a real romantic relationship or marriage, maybe it’s time to start looking inward instead of outward. Maybe what you seek in him, you should seek in self. Notice how the characteristics listed may be personal issues you have struggled with; when looking for the “perfect” mate.

Observant – He notices the big and small things. He pays attention to detail. Do you pay attention to detail when dating?

Consideration – Is he considerate of your time, your circumstances? Are you considerate of others?

Non-judgmental – Is he quick to make an opinion of you? Do you judge others not fully knowing a persons story?

Constructive Criticism – He see’s where you may need improvement. He is not condescending, but genuinely wants to see you succeed. He is not bossy, he only offers insight, expecting you to make an educated decision.

Temperament – He is not quick to anger. He is an effective communicator. He chooses his battles. He is growing to understand what is and what is not worth fighting for.

Supportive- He is encouraging and eagerly wants to help you in your journey.

Listens – He doesn’t listen to respond, he listens to understand. Do you listen to understand?

Humorous – Does he know how to make you laugh? Can you laugh at yourself?

Goal Oriented – Does he set out to accomplish personal and professional goals or does he procrastinate? What about you?

Intimacy -He understands and appreciates the importance of both physical and nonphysical intimacy.

Sharing – Does he share both life achievements and failures?

Vulnerability – A good man will not expose, exploit, nor trivialize your vulnerability. Is he capable of showing you his vulnerability or is he often presenting an image of strength to not seem weak. Do you allow yourself to be vulnerable when with him?

Accountability – He can admit when he’s wrong. He takes responsibility for his actions, and is unafraid of self-improvement.

Adoration – He does not compare you to past partners. You are not viewed as a threat. He understands you are in a league of your own. He adores you. He respects you. He puts aside time to spend with you.

Positive Self Image – He is confident, he loves himself. There is no need to tear you down to build himself up.

Discipline – He knows how to say no. He knows when to say yes.

Boundaries – He will not impose himself into your space. He respects your boundaries, and if he’s a good man will wonder why you don’t have any (if you don’t). He will treat you accordingly.

Stimulation – He has stimulating conversation. He has no problem admitting ignorance to certain subjects, but is willing to learn.

Honest- He respects you too much to lie to you. He is not brutally honest; he is realistic, yet protective. He is attentive and compassionate when sharing his truth.

_MG_8638___-4The right man does not cause you anxiety or distress. You have more positive things to say about him then negative. You are not ashamed of him. The “right man” for you will not tolerate you compromising who you are or your beliefs, for him. If you choose the perfect man for you, you won’t feel the need to do so. When you strip away all the superficial things that make the man we see on the outside, what you have left is his core being. The person established from youth. Those core characteristics that define who you are as an adult and will likely stay with you for the rest of your life. This is the man you should be looking at, because the inside determines the outside. FYI, those same characteristics also transition into his sexuality.

-Noni Ayana

2 thoughts

  1. Enjoyed the prospective from you. I am in a relationship with a beautiful woman, African American. I am Caucasian. I believe the above article goes both ways. For man as much as woman. Thank you. Looking forward to reading more of your articles.

    • I agree. It goes both ways. Thank you for reading my article and there are plenty more! Over 100. You can also subscribe as a follower by adding your email. Happy to see an African American women willing to step outside the box. I also appreciate the fact how you presented her as a beautiful woman first. I wish you much success in your relationship.

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