MIND over sexual MATTER

There are a number of reasons women experience low sexual desire or difficulty experiencing orgasms. Although men share some of the same challenges, I find this sexual issue to be far more pressing among women, especially married women, or women cohabitating with their long-term partners. I can understand; I think women are the most distracted. Here’s a list of things women are thinking about throughout the day, including during sex:

  • Work (promotions, workload, dealing with a jerk boss, sexual harassment)
  • Children (homework, daycare, after-school activities)
  • Body Image (stretch marks, stomach, and unwanted fat)
  • Hair (style, cut, will it hold, the likelihood of the wind or rain shifting it out-of-place)
  • Household Chores (laundry, cooking, cleaning)
  • Bills (there’s never enough money, paying on time)

Ladies, when it’s time to have sex those things must travel back to the archives of your mind. Just like in your email, you put the old but still relevant email in archives to make room for new email. Same method applies.

Some women have deeper issues such as family upbringing and the families approach to sexuality, negative perceptions of sexuality, or a past or current sexual traumatic event. These are psychological distractions that may require counseling or therapy. Women experiencing the earlier mentioned distractions, here are some things for you to think about:

  • Understand some matters are out of your control.
  • Often times, quality time with your partner is more important. A great sexual relationship is a good sign of a healthy overall partnership.
  • If you’re not satisfied with your body, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! Otherwise, shut the hell up and enjoy some great sex.
  • You will not die if those chores are not done. However, your relationship may die if somebody does not get done. Get it?
  • Bills aren’t going anywhere, but your partner may.
  • Set aside a “play date” for the kids to go to their favorite, babysitter, aunt or grandparent. So they can play (away), and the two of you can go on a date.
  • Some arguments are just not worth it.
  • No withholding! Do not use your sexuality as a tool to make a point. Your sex is not some sort of treat for good behavior. Discuss your disagreement, and use sex as a way to make up, to reaffirm your appreciation for each other.

That is all.

-Noni Ayana

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