As an adult, the preachers daughter, the only daughter of seven offspring, daddy’s little princess turned sexologist, and slightly over 30 (pause for the cause), I’m often asked, “Why aren’t you married?” I seemed to be asked that question now more than ever due to many discussions groups that often include the curious minds of single and married women. I guess some may feel surely the sexologist of all people should have managed to scoop up a husband by now! Well, to be honest for many years I didn’t want to be married. Although I grew up in a somewhat traditional home, a husband seemed to be such a daunting and burdensome undertaking.
By way of religious teachings, family upbringing, and social ideals, I was taught the man is the leader, protector, and provider of the home. All final decisions go through him. I am to be submissive, be his helpmate, and allow him to lead the family; whether to the heights of success or the ditches of despair. But from what I have seen over the years are married men that poorly assume this role having little to no positive example of the type of man they attempt to portray. I have seen leaders, but leaders of arrogance, of chauvinism. He protects his image, ensuring the wife maintains an image of loyalty, virtue, and support. All the while he is free to be the man society expects him to be, unfaithful, afforded many more freedoms than his spouse simply because of the existence of his penis. He is to control his woman and his offspring. After all their actions are reflections of him. Isn’t this why we see the recent rash of videos throughout social media of fathers publicly embarrassing their children in efforts to implement discipline?
Making a promise before God to be undoubtedly loyal to one person, how deep is that?
What is a husband and what does a husband do? Is his role to pay bills and fix broken things? Is he the “one who wears the pants”? Does he decide to marry because he doesn’t want to be alone? Is marriage for social status, to meet social expectation? Especially by a certain age, if you’re not married something must be wrong with you?
I ask those that are married, why do you seem to be unhappy? Why is your spouse cheating on you? Why are you cheating on your spouse? Why don’t you and your spouse share responsibility? Why is your wife overwhelmed? Isn’t marriage somewhat of a partnership? Why don’t I hear about the beauty of marriage? Ladies and gentleman, I have been in school. All of these years I have sat back and observed these so-called marriages and I have learned many lessons. I have watched you argue, fight, and cry. I have watched your husband’s aggressively pursue other women. I have watched your wives flaunt reproductive organs to strange men attempting to tease and tantalize. I have seen your internet picture posts of wedded bliss, but behind closed doors is misery and resentment. Your conversations reek of sad realities and hurtful truths. The once loved is now lost and left to be found by the next sexy young thing to pick up the pieces of your unremitting breaking heart.
No I do not look forward to hard labor, to broken promises, and dry dreams. I do not look forward to fading attraction, un-forgiveness, inconsideration, and unyielding change. Your images are bitter-sweet, bitter for you, sweet for me.
I have been to class. I have seen your examples, and I have done my homework. So I am content, having waited. While waiting I have become quite knowledgeable of marriage, of people, and of myself.
So when I decide to get married, don’t come to me with that bullshit advice about how much work it is blah, blah, blah. Yeah, I get it. I’ve been watching YOU remember? I’ve witnessed enough separations, bad marriages, divorces and post divorce drama. If you don’t have anything good to say, don’t say anything at all.
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