Divide of Black Love

If you don’t mind I will be using African-American (AA) and Black interchangeably; for the politically correct peoples.

9780446178068-1Is the African-American woman as mean as some men claim her to be? Are Black women saying, “I don’t need a man”? Why do some Black men prefer women of a different race or ethnicity? My recent viewing of the video “Frustrated: Black American Men in Brazil” has opened my eyes, to the desires and needs of Black men, yet also to the continuous perception of Black Women throughout the world. Some of these perceptions are stereotype and myth driven. Personally, I support interracial dating. I do believe love can be found in a variety of places and people. However, I do not support anyone denying a chance at love solely based upon anything other than a person’s character. o-interracial-dating-by-state-9001Black women do know how to love, how to be supportive and compassionate; cultivate and foster successful platonic and romantic relationships.

I remember posting in a Facebook discussion when wearing my natural hair I attract a different kind of man as opposed to when I wear a weave. Note the difference. Yes, that’s me, lol. When I wear my natural hair, the men I attract are usually older (30+), established, business owners, earthy, appreciative of diverse forms of art, etc. When I wear a weave, the men I attract are usually younger (30-), urban, a bit more materialistic, more concerned with image and status.

What a difference hair makes! No wonder hair is such a big deal for so many women!








This is a clear example of how perception changes and it certainly does as it relates to Black women in general. What do Black men see when looking at a Black woman? Yes, he sees her physique, the external image presented. When she speaks, what does he see? black-men-and-women-1b2 Does he see her continuous struggle for equality, in the workplace, in education, in fashion, in media, in earnings, in society? Is this why Black women are perceived as mean, cold, argumentative, and unloving; when the influence of Hip-Hop continues the plague of hypersexual images of Black women? The most prominent images in social media are of Black women fighting and perpetuating materialistic and status driven ideals.

In the aforementioned video (and I paraphrase), a man describes African-American women as not knowing their role. Another man says African-American women are superficial, only concerning themselves with money and the accumulation of things. Some Black men feel as though the independent AA woman has less time and frankly the inability to tend to a man as he may wish.

Whatever the case may be, more and more Black men are going elsewhere. I will not co-sign to the idea that Black women are incapable of loving Black men. African-Americans share this inner racial issue, still learning how to love each other, while simultaneously living in a society founded upon hating what is misunderstood.


Can I speak on the colonialist induced mentality  of Black men when attracted to non-Black women?  Something to think about…

-Noni Ayana

7 thoughts

  1. I was confused when the post turned to the topic of your hair, but I get it. It’s all a matter of perception, and what black men see when they look at black women. Such a layered issue with many different variables. I see how a well-put-together woman with natural hair would attract a more discerning man (looking beyond the media ideal of “beauty” – although it’s changing), as does a fit woman, versus an obese one. I heard that from a celebrity trainer once. Perception matters.

    • Yes, my style of writing can seem to take an unusual turn, but I make sure it is relevant to what I am trying to say. My main point was to show how perception of black women varies among men of all races. Even something like hair can be a determining factor. As a matter of fact one of the men in the film said when he’s in Brazil he doesn’t have to worry about dating a woman and her hair coming off (weave), or her lashes falling off.(fake lashes).

      • Admittedly, I didn’t watch the video. I went into instant gratification mode and read straight through the post. Perception and acceptance does vary – based on race, size,/ weight, hair, education, etc, naturally, but I think that’s just scratching the surface of the great divide between a lot of black men and black women. It’s noticeable, all throughout social media and entertainment, although I remain optimistic about black love in general. As an afterthought, I did go out with a guy who asked me if my lashes were real. I was wearing some “natural” looking falsies. Smh.

  2. I remember seeing the “Frustrated: Black American Men in Brazil” and thinking it was no better than the women spending all their time and energy focusing on getting or blogging about non-black men. The Gender War is real.

  3. This is an issue that needs more dialogue and open discussion. As part of your post was about the “Frustrated” documentary and you also posted a photo of the book “Don’t Blame It On Rio” I want to share with you a discussion of this topic and its effects on the image of Brazilian women. Please see here: http://wp.me/p1XDuf-4Bb

    • I agree this issue definitely needs more open discussion. Unfortunately, as a nonBrazilian, I have never traveled to Brazil, and the only feedback I hear from associates that have visited are stories mostly consisting of prostitution. As unfortunate as this may be, I took the initiative to learn more about the culture and the people. I am not surprised of the Afro-roots, being that much of the Atlantic slave trade was brought to this sector of the world. I am becoming more and more intrigued as I continue to read and experience your posts and other online and offline writings, documentaries, testimonies, etc. I hope to visit in the near future 🙂

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