When his “Just Sex” becomes her “Relationship”

men_vs_womenI find it hard to respect a man who can’t be honest about what he wants from a woman. Most single people can tell after the first date, sometimes after the first conversation, if a prospect is worth more time invested. However, if you just want to have sex with me, I’d prefer you say just that. Many of the women I have met and have gotten to know over the years tend to not exhibit relationship type behavior with a man she is only having sex with. So I want to know from men and women, at what point does it become a relationship? He says it’s just sex. Yet he’s at her home more than his own. Bringing his laundry and leaves a toothbrush, together frequently dining out and catching the latest movie release or concert. He’s picking up the kids, when you’re running late from work. Although he “mistakenly” meets your mother, she really likes him and figures he’s got potential. He even speaks key words referring to future possibilities but nothing concrete. He shares deep thoughts and aspirations, maybe even thoughts he claims to have never shared with anyone else. Still, he says it’s just sex.

unhappy-couple-why-living-together-is-a-bad-ideaShe thought it was just sex, until he began doing things she considers to be characteristics of a relationship. No one really questions the so-called evolution of the relationship. He is getting what he wants, and she is getting what she wants. So what’s the problem? I think everyone’s intentions should be clear and communicated. If you just want to see where it goes, fine, say that. If you are not ready for a relationship, say that. If you just wanna fuck, say that. Let’s not be victims of fantasy or masters of illusion. It’s one thing to be unsure, it’s another thing to know, yet continue to act as if you’re unsure.

modern-datingWhile she/he is dating you, and not ready, or only wants to have sex, she/he could be investing time in someone who see’s her/him as a potential long-term partner. If you want a relationship, why waste your time with someone who does not? Can a relationship be built on potential, the possibilities? If you feel you are “relationship” ready now, position yourself to date someone whom is as ready as you are.

-Noni Ayana

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