A Conversation about Sex

As always men continue to unintentionally humor me with their idea of the type of woman or sexual acts considered to be freaky.

The conversation:

Me: What type of woman do you want?

Him: I want a freak!

Me: What does that mean?

Him: You know.

Me: No, I don’t know.

Him: You know.
(Yes, this is an actual adult conversation)

Me: No, I don’t!

Him: You know. You know what to do to please a man.
(What is this, same sex, different man?)

Me: I know what to do to please a man. I don’t know what to do to please you. You have to tell a woman what you want.

Him: I want her to be able to take care of this region right here (as he waves his hands in a circle motion above his genitals)

Me: What the hell does that mean?

Him: I want her to be nasty.

Me: Name something nasty?
(He hesitates, a little embarrassed, but eventually says)

Him: I want her to be able to lick me down there. Like under my balls.
(A man in his forty’s referring to his genitalia as “down there”)

Screen-Shot-2012-03-22-at-8_05_50-AM-e1332420842250Needless to say this conversation slowly went nowhere and I never went “down there”. As a sex researcher, of course, I could have completely grossed this man out mentioning a few sexual acts I may have considered to be on the freaky side. Licking a man under his balls…wouldn’t have made the list. I would expect an adult man to be able to tell me exactly what he wants me to do. I know some guys that would’ve said flat-out, “I want you to suck this dick”. Yet, I also realized that not only is it uncomfortable for some people to discuss sex, it’s even more uncomfortable for some to discuss sexual preference. Many women continue to have painful or uncomfortable sex, thinking it’s her duty to satisfy her man, sacrificing sexual pleasure; and some men continue to have non-stimulating sex, afraid of hurting her self-esteem, which may further damage future relations.

I’ve written before about how some people are too caught up in social sexual expectations. It’s selfish, and the entire experience becomes more about you and less about your partner. Plainly suggested, have a conversation about sex. Everybody’s having sex, but no one wants to talk about it. Does that make any sense? Be honest with yourself, and be honest with your partner about what you want, what you need. If you don’t what’s the point?

-Noni Ayana

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