The False Impression of the Orgasm

During my many discussions, interviews, and surveys, men often express the intended goal of ensuring their partner reaches climax. As unselfish as this is, is orgasm all that matters? It is often reported in testimonials from research, and I believe to be true, sex can be just as enjoyable, exciting, and exotic without experiencing an orgasm. Some men don’t believe this to be true. orgasm picIs it that men only feel a woman is experiencing sexual pleasure when he makes her cum; no, not at all. This type of thinking minimizes the entire sensual experience. Men and women enjoy different levels of sensation. The touch, the feel, of flesh, of breathe, the anticipation of what is to follow. Climaxing may be of most importance to some, but it may be only a small component of the bigger picture to others. The bigger picture considers how you feel overall when intimate with your partner. Are you attracted? How do you feel when touched, kissed, licked, etc? Does this feel good to you? Is this pleasurable? Then why limit the experience to orgasm? I feel people are so caught up in the social opinion that orgasm is everything. As a result some men walk away feeling inadequate because he didn’t “make her cum”, and some women feel as though they’re missing out, and viewing him as inadequate. Socially, it’s almost a rite of passage when a man is able to make a woman orgasm. I totally get it; the sense of pride. 

In many ways social perspective always finds a way to minimize or unrealistically limit the pleasure of sexuality. We cannot apply the same set of rules to such a sexually diverse people. What feels good to me, may not feel good to you. In a social setting we are quick to react to what people SAY they are doing in bed. We are secretly comparing our sexual selves to others. You may ask yourself, what am I doing wrong, or what should I be doing right? Don’t ask yourself, ask your partner.

Now, of course many if not all want to experience the maximum height of pleasure. However, don’t underestimate your sexual experience because it doesn’t meet social expectations.


-Noni Ayana


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