Men, Sex, & Emotions

OB-DE264_obama_G_20090221191417The lie that sex is mostly physical for men, but more so emotional for women should be abandoned and forgotten. Sex is emotional for all humans. This myth perpetuates the belief among women that men are incapable of feeling emotions during sex. Who says? This myth also allows men the freedom of irresponsibility, inconsideration, and negligence in sexual relationships; only holding the woman accountable for any chance of real communication. It is suggested a man can have sex with another woman outside of his partner and feel nothing, as opposed to a woman having sex with a man outside of her partner; she will more than likely grow attached or possibly fall in love. Oh really? Sounds like another double standard to me. It seems men are taught to show emotions only when it’s a matter of competition; when his machismo is at stake. Wives forgive cheating husbands, husbands punish cheating wives. He will tell her “it was just sex with her, I don’t love her, I love you”. Can’t you have “just sex” with your wife? It was emotion that drove you to the other woman. Something about her excites you; excitement, arousal, attraction, are all emotions. Perhaps this may shine the light on why some men are emotionally unhealthy and detached, sexing one woman after the other, yet continuing to internalize resentment towards his mother, hate towards the ex-wife or girlfriend, discontent towards a female figure whom didn’t provide the support expected. maxwellMen experience emotion as much as women. When confessing to my father I was pregnant (without a husband), he certainly became emotional! When the groom sees his bride for the first time, when his son scores at the little league game, when his mother passes away, when he purchases his first car or when he first experiences financial success, he experiences emotion. Why would he not experience emotion within the most innate center essential to a human being; his sexuality. Emotions are expressed in different ways. How I chose to show emotion may be extremely different from how you chose to. My choosing to not show emotion at all does not mean my emotions do not exist. Emotions in sexuality do not necessarily mean you are falling in love, that you are “catching feelings”, weak, or less than a man, it just means you are human. This is what we do, we feel, and we react.
 -Noni  Ayana

One thought

  1. Agreed! Emotions is a part of our DNA and to deny this (or try to justify men “being emotionless”) is ignorant and lazy. We play into not holding one another accountable. This all comes back to dealing with oneself. As you stated in the article, not receiving love or support from early figures definitely staunches one growth. Internalizing those feelings leads to habits of “flight” and that’s why you have categories of men (and women) such as “The Disappearing Act,” “Non-Committal,”The Dependent,” etc. Know thyself. Also know your “love language.”

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