My Experience With Weight Loss

Hello everyone!!!

I know it’s been a while since I’ve written on my blog. Thank you so much for your continued loyalty and support.

I recently set a goal to lose weight, and to do that I needed to dedicate my time and efforts to a well thought out plan including food prep, and daily exercise. I lost almost 20 pounds without a gym membership in 4 months. I took advantage of Atlanta’s very warm summer, and took my workout to a few nature trails, several times a week I’d climb Kennesaw Mountain, and other times I’d work out at home. I ate “mostly” a plant based diet, and I also participated in a 7 day juice detox, which was really interesting. I definitely need to do a video describing THAT experience lol. I actually love working out, and I get excited when discovering new ways to challenge my body strength and endurance. Plus, I gotta admit, my body feels very different, but very good without the extra weight. Watch the video and comment how a weight difference has changed your life!

Side note: Weight gain or loss may also affect sex, endurance during sex, and positioning. Weight gain or loss may also affect body esteem and sexual esteem. Before I go any further I’m starting to realize this is another video I need to make lol. Stay tuned!

TTYL

~Noni Ayana, M.Ed. @sexologist_na

Men…is your marriage good if you’re cheating?

One of my biggest pet peeves is men not being truthful about whether or not they’re satisfied in their romantic relationships. Infidelity has become the norm. To the point that men will say their relationship or marriage is good, even though they are currently having multiple affairs with other women. This is not a matter of judgement. This is simply a matter of speaking and living the truth. Many men are not capable of being loyal to one partner. I don’t understand why people won’t just live the life they want to live. This may possibly mean not getting married, or at least being in a relationship that allows for partners to be intimate with people outside of their primary relationship. For some, this idea is damn near blasphemous. Yet, we all seem to be okay with breaking vows, living double lives, and being deceitful toward partners. We seem to expect this level of disloyalty, especially from men. Women must always maintain this image of belongingness.

What’s really going on? Why do men get married? Many say because at some point a man must settle down, have a family, and a woman who will take care of him. This ideal seems very man-centered. I rarely hear men speak of their significant others as someone they really like and enjoy being with. Not necessarily love, but simply like. There’s a difference. Even you may have family members or friends you “love”, but you all don’t spend much time together because you don’t “like” them.

Many men marry women they feel will fit the gender role. This expectation is problematic because it denies a woman’s individuality; she is dehumanized and desexualized.  Maybe this is why men cheat. Men are sexually driven by women.  Men are not sexually driven by wives. Think about it. #heterosexualisms

~Noni Ayana

For one to one consultations with Noni Ayana visit www.erisllc.org 

The Courage To Purge

I recently acknowledged and embraced the fact that I had almost put myself in a similar situation I was in almost 20 years ago. Yet, because I had learned a few life lessons along the way, I had the courage to purge. At first I felt shame for allowing this to happen in the first place. I had briefly doubted my ability to make decisions. I felt foolish, and asked myself how could I have been so naïve.

I wasn’t. I had been shown signs along the way. I was in complete denial. I had ignored my intuition, and wallowed comfortably in a false sense of contentment. My courage to purge brought me back to reality.

I broke down. I was in a severe state of sadness. I withdrew from the world, and went into hiding. I felt physical and emotional pain. I was lost.

However, the lesson continued to teach me. I had to keep remembering why I purged. Why did I let go of this toxin? Because the universe knew this toxin would eventually destroy me, and I’ve come too far. There is a plan for me.

For the last 6 months I had been in heavy meditation. I had been speaking my desires, dreams, and vision into existence. I questioned why. Why haven’t I experienced progress? Am I not being heard? Do I not deserve what I ask for? And then the message came to me. That I would have to let something go, in order to gain what I had been asking for. I cannot be enthralled in toxic servitude, and be blessed.

This message was difficult to see, because what first appeared to be veiled in beauty, was internally repulsive. Thus my inability to discern this toxic spirit.

I succumbed to my intuition. Acknowledging the truth, set me free. I am in a space of healing, and awaiting my blessings.

~Noni Ayana

I Must Stop Loving You

I remember being told that you can’t just stop loving someone. I disagree. If you can start loving someone, you can make the decision to stop loving.

Continuing to love someone who doesn’t really love you, only leaves you attached to memories, and the desire for a relationship you wish existed.

When someone says “I love you” what does this phrase mean? How do they define love? How is their love different from someone else? How do you know if it’s real, genuine, or authentic?

Is love compassion, empathy, and forgiveness? Is love loyal, encouraging, and inspiring? Is love intimate, passionate, and hopeful? Is love poetic?

 “So we ate and talked for hours.

We sat by the car as we laughed and reminisced.

We drove home to be under covers and watch a movie,

as we fell asleep like an old couple.”

Is love nostalgic, is it memorable? Is love an embrace, making you feel safe when vulnerable? Is love consistent, considerate, and kind? Is love beautifully terrifying? Out of all things love could be, love should always be true. If there is no truth in the foundation of your love, for my own emotional safety, I must stop loving you. If your love exists under the conditions of deceit, manipulation, and hypocrisy, then you have proven you don’t even love yourself.

How do you find yourself if you are lost? Love…true love. Yet, if your love is not true, you are lost, and I refuse to be lost with you.

~Noni Ayana

 

 

When He Doesn’t Get Along With His Mother

(Based on personal experience, the experiences of loved ones, and clients and/or people who I have worked with)
 
Men that do not have a healthy relationship with their mother (especially during their youth), often experience highly dysfunctional romantic relationships with women. They are sometimes abusive, bitter, fear rejection or abandonment, hyper-masculine, controlling, unable to commit, sexually inappropriate or irresponsible, or will sometimes use their sexual prowess as a tool of manipulation.
 
Unhealthy signs:
Will use expletives when referring to his mother.
Will say things like, my mother “doesn’t care about me”.
When the mother seems to show fear toward her son.
When the man refuses to have any type of relationship with his mother.
When the man views his mother as unfit to be a mother.
When a man says he cannot trust his mother, or he feels he cannot depend on her.
He resents his mother’s absence or lack of involvement in his life.
He blames most, if not all, of his shortcomings on his mother.
He says his mother does not love him.
 
If you are in a space which includes a man who does not have a healthy loving (with boundaries of course) relationship with his mother. Please be aware of the possibilities, and create realistic boundaries before moving forward. Self love is most important.
 
If you are this man, I suggest seeking support from your local counselor, therapist, or support group; recognize, acknowledge, and learn how to heal from your pain. Don’t let your pride get in the way of self-awareness, and learning how to maintain a healthy love for yourself and others.
 
~Noni Ayana